AUBREEVISION - Observations from the far side of the dial

I recently received a spam email that so impressed me, I felt compelled to reproduce it here for my fellow Mindsayers' enjoyment. First, to grab your attention, the hilarious subject line:

"It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

Chilling. Who was this person called "A l'il bit more," and what did he know that I didn't? I had to read on.

The email contained a small graphic advertising discount pharmacuticals -- standard spam-fodder there. But it was the completely random filler text below that took the cake:

"I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone."

Having seen a few of these knee-slappers elsewhere, I'm aware it's not original material. But I have to say the message provided sufficient amusement that for once, I didn't feel spam had wasted my time.